Infant Crying – You Can Cope

All babies cry. Sometimes it’s easy to settle them, but other times the crying can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re tired, stressed, or coping with other pressures. It’s important to know you are not alone — support is available, and there are safe ways to manage those difficult moments.

The ICON Message

The ICON programme shares a simple, evidence-based message to help parents and carers:

  • I – Infant crying is normal and will stop
  • C – Comforting methods can help soothe your baby
  • O – It’s OK to walk away for a few minutes if your baby is safe and the crying feels overwhelming
  • N – Never, ever shake or hurt a baby

Even the most loving parent can feel pushed to the limit, but shaking a baby is extremely dangerous and can cause life-changing injuries or death.

Click below to expand and learn more about each part of the ICON approach and how each element helps you understand and support your baby safely.

I - infant crying is normal

Infant crying is normal and it will stop. Babies start to cry more frequently from around two weeks of age. The crying may become more frequent and last longer, but after about eight weeks babies usually begin to cry less each week.

Babies cry for many reasons. They are hardwired to cry whenever they need help, because their brains have not yet developed the circuits that allow for self-control or understanding. Crying is nature’s way of making sure parents pay attention quickly.

A cry might signal many things — discomfort and startle are common examples. Sometimes babies cry for no reason at all and sometimes they cannot be settled. This can be upsetting for both baby and parent, but it causes no harm and will eventually stop. After about five months, crying often becomes more “purposeful,” meaning your baby is more likely to be crying for a clear reason.

Crying can be upsetting and frustrating, especially when parents are under pressure and stress for other reasons. These feelings are normal, but if they are hard to get over, it is positive to seek support — both for yourself and for your baby.

It is important to check a few basic needs: make sure your baby isn’t unwell and try some comforting methods. Babies born prematurely usually start to cry more about two weeks after their due date. Parents often search for a physical reason — such as milk intolerance or reflux, these are normal things to consider — but research shows that most of the time there is nothing medically wrong. Babies are simply adjusting to their new environment.

The “Normal Crying Curve” shows that crying usually increases at two weeks, peaks at six to eight weeks and then gradually decreases after two to three months. Every baby is different, but knowing that this is a normal phase and that it will pass can help you cope.

When you have checked your baby’s needs and tried soothing methods, your baby may still go on crying. This can add to both your distress and theirs. In these moments, focus on coping with the crying and managing your feelings of stress.

It is a good idea to prepare a coping plan in advance. Think about:

  • who you can go to for help with crying
  • what you will do if you need a few minutes to yourself
  • what makes you feel better
  • what makes you feel calm

A helpful technique is to use the “Pause at the door” approach. Before entering your baby’s room, ask yourself:

  1. Can I be careful?
  2. Am I calm?
  3. Will I be caring?

If you think your baby is unwell, contact your Health Visitor, call NHS 111, or speak to your GP.

For more information visit Infant crying is normal - ICON Cope

C - comforting methods can help

Sometimes simple comfort methods soothe your baby enough so that the crying stops. It helps to check whether they are hungry, tired, or in need of a nappy change. Trying calming techniques—like singing or taking a walk—can be effective. Babies may cry for many reasons (for example because they are wet, uncomfortable, unwell), and sometimes for no apparent reason. Some calming methods will work for your baby, others may not and what worked yesterday may not help today. This can be frustrating—but it’s normal, you are not a bad parent, and this phase will pass. 

Try these methods to comfort your baby…

  • talk calmly to your baby, stroke them gently. Try placing the baby face down on your lap, or hold them close against you and stroke their back up and down.
  • hum or sing to your baby using repeating, constant soothing sounds. Classical music (piano, guitar etc.) and white noise can work for some babies.
  • hold them close — skin to skin contact.
  • go outside with your baby, or walk them in a pram or baby sling. If you cannot go outside, use gentle rocking inside.
  • offer the breast or a dummy for sucking (note: if breastfeeding, dummy use is advised after 4 weeks; for formula-fed babies, any time).
  • try giving them a warm bath. 

Not all of these will work all of the time, but that’s okay. Stay calm—this phase will pass. 

When to Worry

You should seek urgent medical help if your baby shows any of the following:

  • A rash that does not fade when pressed (could be meningitis)
  • A fit (seizure or convulsion)
  • A very high-pitched cry or a cry that doesn’t sound normal
  • Difficulty breathing, noisy or unusually fast breathing
  • Skin that is greyish, mottled, blue or unusually pale
  • High temperature: over 38°C (100.4°F) in babies under 3 months; over 39°C (102.2°F) in babies between 3-6 months

For more information visit Comforting methods can help – ICON Cope

O - it's OK to walk away

It’s OK to walk away if you have checked the baby is safe and the crying is getting to you. After a few minutes, when you are feeling calm, go back and check on the baby. Not being able to stop a baby crying does not mean you are doing anything wrong, or that you have a ‘bad’ or ‘naughty’ baby. Think about how you might take your mind off the crying. Make sure that the baby is safe before walking away. Then you must go back to check on the baby after a few minutes, when you feel yourself calming down. It is important as parents to find time for yourselves to help you cope through, what can be, a stressful time.

If you’ve done all the normal checks, the baby is not ill and if you feel yourself reaching that point of stress – take a break! It’s OK to walk away if the baby is safe and the crying is getting to you. Remember this will pass – the crying will stop.

It could be helpful to develop a crying plan when you feel to calm to help you in these difficult moments.

For further information visit It’s OK to Walk Away – ICON Cope

N - never, ever shake a baby

As a parent or caregiver, it's natural to feel overwhelmed by a baby's cries, especially during the peak crying phase between 6 weeks and 3 months. However, it's crucial to understand that shaking a baby—even in moments of frustration—can lead to severe consequences, including lasting brain damage or death.

The Dangers of Shaking a Baby

Shaking or losing your temper with a baby is very dangerous and can cause:

  • blindness
  • brain damage
  • spinal cord injuries
  • physical disabilities
  • learning disabilities
  • seizures
  • retinal haemorrhage
  • death

These injuries are often associated with abusive head trauma (AHT), a preventable condition that can result from a caregiver's inability to cope with a baby's crying.

Understanding the Statistics

Studies show that a key trigger to a baby being shaken is the caregiver’s inability to stop an infant crying.  The link between the normal age of Peak Crying is around 6 weeks to 3 months:

  • 24 out of 100,000 hospital admissions for babies are due to abusive head trauma. 200 children are killed or hurt annually in the UK. These figures are likely to be much higher as it may not be recorded as abuse but considered accidental, or milder cases may not present to hospital. (Barlow and Minns 2000, cited by NSPCC)
  • Human and Emotional cost for parents and families who have lost a child
  • Hospital treatment including medical equipment and care
  • Long-term health and learning needs
  • Mental health care for parents and family members losing a child
  • Legal and criminal costs
  • Abusive Head Trauma (AHT) can be avoided with a multi-agency public health approach
  • Caregivers lose control and shake – baby stops crying

Preventing Abusive Head Trauma

Abusive head trauma is entirely preventable. It's essential for caregivers to understand how to manage a baby's crying and to seek support when needed. If you're feeling overwhelmed, it's okay to ask for help. Contact your GP or call NHS 111 for guidance and support.

Support Resources

For more information and support, visit Never, ever shake a baby.

The Westmorland and Furness Safeguarding Partnership supports professionals and families all year round, not just throughout ICON Week, by raising awareness about the importance of understanding and responding safely to a baby’s crying. 

Families can seek support from their GP, local health visitors, or by contacting NHS 111 for guidance and advice.

Below are some helpful resources for families and professionals.

Resources

For help and advice on soothing a crying infant and coping with crying visit  ICON Cope website.

Advice for parents

Advice for professionals

Infant crying and how to cope leaflet

Babies born prematurely

Posters

I - infant crying is normal 

C - comforting methods can help 

O - it's OK to walk away

N - never, ever shake or hurt a baby

Videos

Visit Videos - ICON Cope for videos relating to the themes of ICON week.

BBC inside out programme feature