Westmorland and Furness Safeguarding Children Partnership

Child contact advice

Child Contact Advice for Families

The Multi-Agency Children’s Hub is frequently contacted by parents and carers seeking information and advice on a range of topics. This section provides guidance on child contact arrangements and signposts where to access further support on specific issues.

Always contact the Multi Agency Children’s Hub if you have a safeguarding concern for a child.

If there is an immediate concern for a child or persons welfare/safety then call the police immediately on 999.

Supporting children through divorce or separation

Separation can sometimes lead to conflict or tension between parents and their families. Children may pick up on this, which can leave them feeling confused, unhappy, or even blaming themselves for the break-up. To support children during a separation and help them with their worries, you could: 

  • remind them that they're loved by both parents
  • be honest when talking about it, but keep in mind the child's age and understanding
  • avoid blame and don't share any negative feelings the adults have about each other
  • keep up routines such as going to school and specific meal times
  • let them know they can talk about their feelings with you – explain that it's okay to be sad, confused or angry
  • listen more than you speak – answering questions will help them to open up.

Children learn from and are guided by the behaviour of the adults in their lives.

If you’re splitting up, divorcing, or you’ve been separated for a while, you might find that sorting out the practicalities can feel overwhelming, especially if you have children. There are helpful tools and information are available on the Cafcass website that can support you and your family.

Arranging mediation

A mediator can help you agree on child arrangements without taking sides.

Mediation is not relationship counselling. It can help you agree on details such as:

  • where they live
  • who they spend time with
  • when and what other types of contact take place (phone calls, for example)
  • financial issue including family assets and child maintenance payments

There are two main types of mediation:

  1. Informal mediation – Some parents choose to sit down with a mutually trusted family member or friend who can help them reach an agreement. This approach avoids going through the courts and the costs involved. Parents sometimes find it helpful to write down their arrangements and sign a childcare agreement or contract. While this is not a legal document, it can provide clarity and reassurance.
  2. Formal mediation (Family Law route) – This is a structured process run by an independent professional and does involve a cost. Each parent attends an individual session, followed by a joint session. Family Law Courts often expect couples to try mediation before going to court, as many child contact arrangements can be agreed this way. At the end of mediation, you will receive a written summary of what was agreed. Although this agreement is not legally binding, it can be made binding by asking a solicitor to draft a consent order for court approval.

Mediation is not always appropriate. For example, it may not be safe or suitable if there has been domestic abuse within the relationship.

Arranging supervised contact

Sometimes families feel supervised contact is the best way to safeguard a child and agree this within the family unit without court intervention. Where appropriate supported contact can take place within the family and friend network. This can be facilitated by a grandparent, uncle or family friend at their home, the family home or a public place. This can be more relaxed for all involved and easier to organise and maintain.

The NACCC website can help you find a contact Centre near you.

Supervised contact top tips:

  • accept at the outset supervised contact is not a long-term solution. The aim is to initiate contact so contact will evolve to unsupervised contact
  • decide on the ground rules for supervised contact before the first visit. Are there going to be conditions in addition to supervision?
  • clear arrangements should be agreed by both parents to prevent contact from breaking down due to miscommunication
  • ask a relative or friend if they are willing to act as a supervisor, and clarify how long and how often they can help. Do not assume—they are taking on a significant responsibility.
  • find out information about local contact centres and the centre that best suits your needs.
  • remember, the court generally considers a child’s best interests to include having a relationship with both parents, so completely denying contact is rarely ordered.

Breaching the court order

If you are going to breach a court order by not adhering to what the judge has set out e.g.) take the decision not to send your child to agreed contact, you must have a valid reason and be prepared to explain your actions to the court who issued the order. It may be beneficial if you do intend to breach the order to write to the court of issue and explain your actions.

If the court enforces the order.

Depending on your situation and what you’ve asked the court to decide they might make:

  • an “enforcement order” this might mean you have to do between 40 and 200 hours unpaid work
  • an “order for compensation for financial loss” this means you may have to pay back any costs incurred because you did not follow the order. You can be ordered back to court if you still do not do as the court has ordered

Legal advice

Legal advice is sometimes needed during the arrangement of child contact and can be a stressful and expensive process. 

The Multi-agency Children’s Hub cannot offer any legal advice, but you can contact the Citizens Advice Bureau, who may offer some advice and signpost to local services who may be able to assist you.

You can contact a local family law solicitor to find a legal adviser or family mediator, or use the Legal Advice Finder (GOV.UK). 

You do not have to have legal representation and can represent yourself in Family Court. Also the advice now website has a variety of booklets and in depth guides including: representing yourself in court, applying for a Child Arrangement Order, family mediation and sorting child arrangements.

Financial support

You may be able to get financial help (known as Legal Aid) to pay for non-court dispute resolution, &/or advice and representation at court. The GOV.UK website can help you to find a legal aid solicitor or mediator. 

There are different types of Legal Aid

  • legal help – a solicitor can advise you and negotiate with the other party but can’t represent at court.
  • family mediation – a solicitor can help with negotiating with the other party through mediation.
  • legal representation – the solicitor can prepare your case and represent you in court or arrange for a barrister to represent you in court.

Considerations of Judges and Magistrates

The judge will always expect that mediation has been considered before attending court. You might want to get some legal advice about this.

The judge will always put the welfare of children first. They will think about the-

  • child’s wishes and feelings
  • child’s physical, emotional and educational needs
  • effect any changes may have on the child
  • child’s age, gender, characteristics and background
  • possible risk of harm to the child
  • ability of parents to meet the child’s needs
  • orders the Court has the power to make

A judge or magistrate will only make an order if they think it’s in the child’s best interests.

Managing handover and contact with your ex-partner

The handover is a time when your children get to be with the two adults they love most. They benefit most when this time is calm, respectful and free from arguments or tension.

Even very young children notice what’s happening between their parents. During handovers, they are often very alert and watching carefully. If the handover is stressful or tense, it can worry them and make future contact more difficult.

A little planning can make handover a more positive experience:

  • choosing a venue: pick a place that works well for everyone. If home or a family member’s house isn’t possible, somewhere familiar to your child—like a place with toys or a TV—can help them feel comfortable. Public places, such as a café or park, can also work and provide a neutral, safe space. Think ahead about how you’ll respond if your ex does or says something upsetting and try to stay calm so the handover is a positive time for your children.
  • timekeeping: arriving on time helps the handover run smoothly and reduces stress for everyone. If you’re going to be late, let the other parent know. Plan how you’ll respond calmly to any negative comments and save important discussions for later—avoiding involving the children in adult issues.
  • keeping children informed: let children know the handover plans in advance so there are no surprises. Help them enjoy their time with both parents without feeling caught in the middle. Be clear about what will happen and avoid promising things—like big trips—that may not take place.
  • respectful talk: children are very sensitive to tension. Avoid making negative comments, using nicknames, or speaking badly about their other parent. Let your children share information about their other parent or their life if they want to—don’t ask or probe. Remember, this time is about enjoying your children, not focusing on your ex. Children notice your emotions, so staying calm helps them feel safe and relaxed.
  • make handover positive: try to make handovers calm and positive, focusing on your children rather than any issues with your ex or their new partner. A parenting diary can be a helpful way to share important information. Swap the diary at handover, keeping the tone friendly and constructive. You can include details like bedtime, sleep, meals, health appointments, moods, and homework. This helps keep communication clear and supportive for your children.

Grandparents’ rights 

Grandparents do not have automatic legal rights to see their grandchildren. You can apply to the court for contact under the 1989 Children Act using a C100 form available at www.gov.uk.

Seek further advice from advice now before starting any legal proceedings as this could affect relationships.

if parents are refusing contact, you can explain your case by:

  • showing that you miss your grandchild and that they will miss you
  • explaining the emotional and practical support you can offer and how this could help the parents
  • suggesting the child is consulted about how they feel regarding contact arrangements, especially if you expect a positive outcome
  • reminding parents of the importance of grandparents in a child’s sense of self, identity and culture
  • stressing that knowing their genetic origins can be important for a child as they grow, and that missing out on contact could be confusing or upsetting

 

Additional sources of support